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Post by S. Wheeler on Jan 31, 2014 17:09:47 GMT
Seen as this is a location for other off topic niff naff.... Post your best jokes below, give the lads a laugh My entry will be: A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long. "Let me show you," says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it. "This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy." The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns. "Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!" "Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday." "Why not Thursday?" "That's your day in the barrel."
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D. Currie
Admin
Warrant Officer 2nd Class
"Admin Officer"
Posts: 7
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Post by D. Currie on Feb 4, 2014 23:55:48 GMT
I think my nephew went for the best Jokes the other day... let me know what you think:
"Knock Knock" Who's there? "Gorilla" Gorilla Who? "Gorilla with an egg on his head!"
and
"What food do snowmen eat?" I dunno? "Chairs......... No no no wait!!! Ice Chairs"
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R. Reher
Member
Platoon Sergeant
Posts: 136
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Post by R. Reher on Feb 5, 2014 1:14:30 GMT
U.S. MARINE CORPS OATH OF ENLISTMENT
I, ________________ (state name here), swear...uhhhh...high-and-tight... grunt... cammies... ugh... Air Force women.... HOORAH!
So help me Corps.
Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________
And: Occasionally i hear voices.. One is called "Honey" and one is called "Idiot".. I call them: Neighbors
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Post by D. Gunny on Feb 7, 2014 19:07:30 GMT
Raf Reg
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Post by S. Wheeler on Feb 7, 2014 21:42:25 GMT
This is a proper joke
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R. Flynn
Member
Currently Drinking Tea.. As It's British Rights..
Posts: 136
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Post by R. Flynn on Feb 8, 2014 15:05:32 GMT
3 People board a plane, one is Russian, the Second is American and the third is British.
During the flight they all wonder what would happen if they drop something out of the plane.
So.. The Russian dropped a pair of scissiors out the window and laughed. The American dropped a brick out of the window and laughed. The British man dropped a bomb out of the window and laughed.
After the flight they all returned home.. The Russian came home and found his dad crying in the garden and asked 'Whats wrong dad?' and he replied 'i was gardening and your mom died from a pair of scissors from the sky!'
The American came home to find his dad crying in the garden and the same happened but his mom died from a brick.
The British man came home to find his dad laughing his arse off so he asked 'what are you laughing at dad?' and he replied 'i was gardening and i farted and the neighbours house blew up! haha!'
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2014 17:07:32 GMT
3 People board a plane, one is Russian, the Second is American and the third is British. During the flight they all wonder what would happen if they drop something out of the plane. So.. The Russian dropped a pair of scissiors out the window and laughed. The American dropped a brick out of the window and laughed. The British man dropped a bomb out of the window and laughed. After the flight they all returned home.. The Russian came home and found his dad crying in the garden and asked 'Whats wrong dad?' and he replied 'i was gardening and your mom died from a pair of scissors from the sky!' The American came home to find his dad crying in the garden and the same happened but his mom died from a brick. The British man came home to find his dad laughing his arse off so he asked 'what are you laughing at dad?' and he replied 'i was gardening and i farted and the neighbours house blew up! haha!' That was the best joke of my childhood
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R. Reher
Member
Platoon Sergeant
Posts: 136
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Post by R. Reher on Feb 13, 2014 23:33:20 GMT
One weekend a lawyer from New York decided to go bird hunting in Vermont. The lawyer drove to Vermont and found a good hunting spot near a farm. The lawyer sees a bird, shoots it and watches fall to the ground on the other side of a barns fence.
The lawyer, thinking to himself that's my bird I have to go get it, climbs the fence retrieves the bird and climbs back. Just as he gets back over the farmer comes up to him and says, "give me my bird." The lawyer says to him: "your bird!? no no no, I shot this bird it is mine."
"No" says the farmer,"it landed on my property it is mine." "Look" says the lawyer, "I am a lawyer, I will sue you , you will lose and I will get the duck." "No" says the farmer, "that's not how we do it here in Vermont, we use the three kick rule."
"Ok" says the lawyer, how does that work?" "I kick you three times as hard as I can, than you kick me as hard as you can three times and we keep going until one of us gives up." "Fine" says the lawyer, "let's go." "I'll go first" says the farmer. So the farmer kicks the lawyer as hard as he can in the groin.
And just as lawyer is bent over in pain the farmer kicks him right in the face. now just as the lawyer is thinking what did I get myself into the farmer kicks him in the stomach. after the lawyer gets over the agonizing pain he says "Ok now it's my turn". "No", the farmer says, "I quit, you can have the duck."
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R. Flynn
Member
Currently Drinking Tea.. As It's British Rights..
Posts: 136
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Post by R. Flynn on Feb 23, 2014 10:55:38 GMT
LOL Reher, good one.
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